Forced Feminization 101

By Melissa Daniels and Renee Carter ~ 2006

Welcome to Forced Feminization 101 (M&R Style)

But I don't WANT to be a girl...

On the surface this is not a complex concept. Forced Feminization falls into the category of a Dominance/Submission fantasy. In this storyline there is a dominant person (either male or female) who 'forces' a male into assuming a submissive and overtly feminine role. The submissive male is often portrayed as unwilling and reluctant.

What makes this fantasy difficult to understand is that the submissive male (while pretending to be reluctant) actually WANTS this treatment. Their protests and demands for the treatment to stop are often surface deep, while their arousal and deepest fantasies crave the fantasy to continue with even more intensity.

"Hey wait a minute," you're no doubt saying, "Wouldn't it be so much easier if the submissive male would just tell you what he really wants?"

The LADY doth protest too much, methinks...

What? You want this to be easy?

Actually there are several very interesting reasons why many submissive males enjoy the 'forced' concept to feminization.

Society tends to breed all kinds of baggage onto sexual fantasies. A male in today's world is not easily accepted for having (or heaven forbid) WANTING female tendencies. This tends to cause submissive males to have all manner of conflicting thoughts and feelings.

As you can no doubt understand, having feminine feelings and desires can lead some men into having a persistent shame and/or embarrassment about their fantasies. Even in their own head, the idea of actively seeking femininity makes them upset and anxious.

But what happens when their fantasy is 'forced' upon them?

By allowing someone else to play the 'villain' and to MAKE the fantasy happen, the guilt that the submissive male feels can be relieved and they can enjoy the concept of acting and feeling feminine.

Don't.  Stop.  Please.

There is a problem that tends to develop in 'forced' feminization role-play (especially in a public forum like this one). To an outside observer, the submissive male seems to be unwilling... begging for their dominant partner to stop and appears to hate the way they are being treated.

The REAL(TM) relationship between dominant and submissive is exactly the opposite. What is cruel and offensive to the observer is often quite pleasurable and the actual desire for the submissive. Oftentimes the behavior is specifically requested by the submissive and merely 'acted out' by the dominant as a way to fulfill their partner's fantasy.

"Wow, that's confusing..."

You think? But just wait... it gets better...

Most submissive males that seek 'forced' feminization are compelled by a form of 'masochism'.

def: Masochism ~ Deriving erotic pleasure from pain.

I look like a girl?  How embarrassing!

While this CAN mean physical pain such as light whipping, spanking or other acts, it is more often seen as a form of 'emotional' pain such as humiliation, embarrassment or shame.

Humiliation tends to play a HUGE role in the fantasy of Forced Feminization. It is painful for the submissive male to accept that they have to behave, look and perform as a submissive female. Embarrassment and humiliation feed the masochistic arousal. Without that element the entire fantasy may not be arousing for them at all and can easily let them remember the guilt and disdain they feel for the fantasy they have while aroused.

Please also note that wanting to be female is not a form of masochism. It is the addition of the 'forced' element that traditionally brings in that aspect.

"So let me get this straight... the submissive male wants to be forced to alleviate the guilt they feel over wanting the fantasy to begin with AND in order for it to be arousing they need to be humiliated in the process? Do we have to jump on one leg and whistle while we play with them too?"

Probably. That's yet another problem with the forced feminization fantasy. Not only do you have to bear in mind the two key points above, but there are all these other branches to it. Some submissive males may get turned on by being called a sissy, while others may find their guilt returning upon the use of that word. For some, it may be as simple as being forced to wear their hair in a feminine way, while others may require full female attire, breasts, and threats of hormones. Each person adds their own fetishes and twists to the fantasy which makes the fantasy itself that much harder to comprehend and fulfill.

QUIZ: If 'no' doesn't always mean 'no', then which one of these statements ACTUALLY means NO.

ANSWER: (highlight below to reveal the extra secret invisiotext answer)
All of these have the possibility of being part of the submissive male's fantasy. So 'no' in this fantasy is not a good way to determine when to stop.

"So how do I know if someone really DOESN'T like something that I'm doing? If they keep protesting when they want things, how do I know when they really don't like it?"

There are two very clear ways you will know if your partner in a dom/sub thread is not having a good time.

"Wait a minute... How do I know if something is true or not? Is there a secret handshake?"

Well sort of. M&R has it's own way of distinguishing between what is fantasy and what is reality.

When playing on these forums there are two ways of writing: IC (in character) and OOC (out of character).

If a situation ever gets too intense, extreme or moving in the wrong direction, a player simply needs to inform the other player that they are writing OOC and tell them exactly what the problem is. With the problem solved, they can then say 'game on' by typing "IC" and jump right back into the action.

This is a very important concept because it allows for everyone to feel comfortable with their behavior. If you don't say what you think and feel to your partner, then you'll never get what you want. Communication is the key in every kind of relationship...including the ones here.

The test

Now take a look at the picture to the right.

Take a close look.

There WILL be a test.

POP QUIZ: How does the person on the right actually feel about the person they're playing with? ANSWER: (Highlight below once you've made your choice. No cheating...)
They like it more than words can say. OOC is ALWAYS what people really feel. IC is what their 'character' feels.

Just remember: don't get discouraged. There is a very easy way to find out exactly what each and every submissive actually wants.

Ask them.

...and I want a new bike and a pony and a...

You'll no doubt soon find yourself with a laundry list of fantasies the submissive wants to experience.

The tricky part comes in making the experience fun for the dominant player as well. Oftentimes the wish-list of the submissive is so complex and involved that the dominant feels constrained and inhibited.

"Wait a minute... that doesn't sound very dominant to me."

Exactly. Submissive players are sometimes very demanding, and dominant players sometimes find themselves in the odd role of catering to these desires. This goes against the very idea of the Dom/Sub relationship because most dominant players tend to be people that don't follow orders or directions well.

Again the key here is in communication and for the dominant player to play in a way that excites them. With luck this will coincide with what the submissive wants. If it doesn't than the two of you may just not be compatible. Just like in Real Life (TM) the goal is to find someone with whom your fantasies are in sync. If you are relying on someone who is only trying to please you while not having fun themselves (or visa versa) than you will find yourself in a very frustrating position and not having a good time. So there is no shame in discovering that you have different fantasies than your partner. Try again, or find something you BOTH enjoy doing.

I can't stress enough how important it is for everyone to communicate their desires. Communication will ensure the best fantasy possible for all involved and will keep little misconceptions from growing into permanent frustrations.

Now go wander into the trap of femininity (or set one)... armed with new knowledge you're ready to get 'Locked in Lace'.

Just don't forget. It's supposed to be fun!